This past week I was again reminded of the talk on guys that I had with Gino a few months ago. Here are a couple of quotes:

"Hey, I've seen girls way uglier than you pick up guys." Thanks... that makes me feel so much better.
"I mean, I understand if you didn't want to date them... but you seem normal. Like, you're easy to talk to. They never even asked? Wow... the guys at Case are weird. I guess there's nothing you can do about that." Again, that makes me feel so much better.
"You're SURE you were never asked? Like, while you were sober and not stoned? As far as you are aware?" Dude, come on...

And I remember at that point, it hit me. I was an armed woman.

Yup, that's right - virtual shotgun at my side, loaded and ready to blast away any guy who might be trying to hint at any sort of interest. I've always said to people, "behind every successful man, there is a woman - next to every successful woman, there is a shotgun." Well... maybe I took my own philosophy too far.

The evening after I had that conversation with Gino, all of these memories started coming back to me. Times that I had shot guys down without realizing it... simply because I wasn't paying attention and I was too dense to realize that someone was showing interest. I think I've always been the type of gal who doesn't want to read too much into things and never infers anything emotion-wise unless I am told of someone's feelings directly. (If you're familiar with Myers-Briggs Personality indicators, this is why I am 100% T and 0% F. It's really not normal for females... I'm just a freak of nature.) I never think, "oh, I think he likes me" or "hey, is that a pick-up line?" or anything along those lines. Don't get me wrong - I like my shotgun because it's a nice defensive mechanism - but I guess I should really be more sensitive to the feelings of others.

I had no idea I was so unapproachable until Gino came into the lab that day and grilled me on my (non-existent) love-life. And afterwards I got this incredible feeling of guilt for shooting at least one guy down... ::gulp::. My bad. It's no wonder I'm still single. ::sigh:: I guess I really do make my mother worry.

On the other hand, I wonder if part of it is my upbringing. I was brought up to be tough - to defend myself and not to rely on a guy to do it for me. Guys were sweet-talkers, and you could never believe them - that's why you had to think for yourself and discern. I mean, I used to be a very sensitive and gentle kid - my parents were probably concerned that I would be taken advantage of. Maybe I just happened to take that to the other extreme.

Ok, I'll try and set the shotgun down... but if you don't want me to shoot you down by accident, at least give me a warning and wave a white flag or something...