Ahhh... I haven't jibbah-jabbahed in a while. :-D That's because I had three WONDERFUL friends come and visit last weekend!! It was so nice to see them. I miss being with people who are not alcoholics.

But anyhow... I decided it was about time I wrote a blog about cuttin' da sap. Yeah... raise yo' hands out there if you're sick o' da sap too. I see you, my bros and sistahs!! So here we go...

You know that song by Simon and Garfunkel, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"? Well, this is my version of "50 Ways to Kill Romantic Moments." Although if I really listed 50 I think muh Soul Sistah would kill me. ;-) Ha! I could write a book on this stuff! All I can say is... my poor, poor future spouse...

SISTAH T's SURE-FIRE LIST TO KILLING ROMANTIC MOMENTS
1. Responses to the candlelight dinner and the inevitable phrase: a half-whispered "I love you"
a. "Well, I thought you should know... you've got some broccoli in between your teeth."
b. "Aw, isn't that sweet. Did you read that in a book someplace?"
c. Belch. (That'll kill anything, especially if you had a dish with onions.)
d. Bust out with the song "What's Love Got to Do With It?"
e. "Oh. Um... thank you." (Borrowed from an episode of the TV show Seventh Heaven.)
f. "Cool. Does that mean you're paying for dinner?"
g. "Who you think you is, foo? Just passin' out yo' love to anybody on da street. Pssh. Save it fo' yo' mama."
h. "Is that cheese on your face?"
i. Start head-banging.

2. Responses to sappy compliments. You know, like if your significant other says, "Your eyes are like sparkling diamonds," you can say:
a. "Your ears have a waxy look."
b. "Oh, ok. Your eyes are like olives."
c. Go into a deep explanation of how diamond is actually carbon, which is the same stuff that makes up graphite that you find in pencils, only the crystal structure is different, which accounts for its hardness properties, which...
d. "Sparkling diamonds? C'mon now, that's the best you can do?"
e. "Cool. Is it like those cartoons where the eyes flash dollar signs?"
f. "Diamonds? Oh, must be the reflection from the Visine I put in to counter allergy season."
g. Pfft. (That's for you, Soul.)
h. Bust out with Monty Python quotes. You know, like "bring out your dead!" or something.
i. Start clipping your nails.

More to come later... :-D