I just felt this incredible urge to sit down and share with you what has been on my mind for the past couple of days. Naw, it's nothing bad, just some reflecting on my part.

I don't like things to be all about me. I don't like talking about myself. I used to have issues with interviews and I had to learn how to market myself in 30 minutes. And so this habit of mine - that I prefer to talk about someone else, or let them talk about themselves - it often comes back to bite me in the rear.

A few years ago, a friend of mine mentioned to me that, even though he'd already known me for a number of years at the time, he really didn't know who I was. And it's true - I keep my personal life and real feelings to myself. I realized in first grade what gossips people were and made the decision right there and then that I would never reveal how I really felt to people. I have kept that habit to this day.

There are times when this distrust of people has saved me - and there are times that I see it is my downfall. It's a vicious loop: there are times that folks don't listen to what I say because they don't know where I'm coming from, and I don't tell them because I know they won't understand. And I am sorry that I just can't open up to people that easily. But I just don't - and folks need to understand this in order to understand me.

I think it's part of the reason that I am perceived as being so intimidating. There are things that I am trying to change. I have lived a life pretending to be tough, even at my weakest moments. When I am really down, I cover it up. And I know I have fooled all of you with it at some point in time, because based on some of your comments you don't have a single clue of what is going through my mind. And I'm not accusing you - it is my fault really, for hiding so much of how I really feel.

So maybe you think I've just rattled off a whole bunch of nonsense... that's fine. It's one of those things where you're being completely honest and folks think you're joking. And I don't want you to think I'm griping, because I'm not. I think being able to admit all this has actually helped me count my blessings. I'm thankful for my mother, who really does understand me. I'm thankful for my friends - that when things are really tough like they were this past spring, we stuck together. I love you and I am so proud of you guys. I'm thankful for the opportunities in my life - that God timed everything and worked it all out, even when I was so frustrated with things that weren't happening the way I thought they should.

I know I am not perfect. I know I am proud, and I know that I am a control-freak. God knows this and convicts me when I need to be corrected, and encourages me when I need to move on. Thank you God, for understanding and not giving up on me.

Here's to tomorrow's dreams...