Annual Self-Eval

As most of you know, every year or two I like to reassess my personality profile to see if I've changed much. Since I first took the Myers-Briggs (MBTI) assessment back in 2002, I have been an ESTJ. It's been a long time since I reevaluated things, and I decided to revisit this, especially since I recently took another assessment for a former boss.

This year's result? ESTJ. Big fat surprise!! I'm so consistent I scare myself...

One major observation: I'm now much closer to being an introvert. GASP!!

Yup - I was about 51% E vs. 49% I this time around. That's probably the closest I've ever been. In some ways, I find it ironic - my job basically calls for me to be an extrovert! I meet new people constantly, and I do have to be able to recall more details than just names and faces. I wonder, however, if my gradual progression to introvertedness (ooo! new word!) is because I am constantly around other extroverts and they have been tiring me out. Everyone else I know is FAR more talkative than I am. I guess it's made me a better listener.

The other thing I noticed was that I am less of a T than I used to be (70% T vs. 30% F). What's happening to me?! This one I can answer with more certainty: it's because of my direct interaction with patients, as well as increased experience in dealing with people and politics in this business. Basically, I've been forced to find solutions to things that are above and beyond what you would ever read in a book. I have had to rely on my gut and my own analysis of events far more than I ever had to in school.

The one thing that hasn't changed is that I am still a very strong J (80% J vs. 20% P). I actually expected this to change since my job is basically 99% spontaneous, but deep down inside there is a part of me that CRAVES order. If anything, this job has made me crave order even more - probably because I don't ever have any!! And it has gotten to the point that I immediately jump on anything anyone asks me to plan. It's like, finally! CONTROL!!

I wonder where I'll be on the personality chart five years from now. Will I eventually become an introvert? I think I am headed in that direction, and it scares me, to be frank. There are certain situations where I have actually become much more socially awkward than I used to be. And I think I might know why: it's because so many social situations involve bars and drinking.

Don't get me wrong - I have no problem having a beer or a glass of wine. However, I still have a fundamental problem with bar-hopping and consuming alcohol all night. Maybe that's why I turn shy and skeptical when people suggest going out to dinner because I know that's not all they're going out for. The bars aren't even the worst - many of my docs like strip clubs. And that is a line I will NOT cross. I can't condone that at all. And you would be surprised to know that this is a subject which has come up in conversations with all of my sales reps and most of my docs. And yes, these people have families. That is probably what disturbs me the most and makes me seem quiet and introverted to these people. It's because I'm clamping my mouth shut to not pass judgment on people. Instead of expressing my disgust, I just don't say anything at all. And soooo many of my docs and reps say things like, "what's the big deal? it's just a bar... it's just a strip club. it's not like you're going home with those girls..." Riiiiight. How would you feel if it was your daughter up on that stage? Not a big deal, huh?

Believe me, it's tough not being able to keep quiet about this. But I do it because I cannot afford to kill off business relationships by lashing out about someone else's lack of morals. I have no doubt that conversations like this are indeed making me a lot quieter on the outside, and I suppose it is proof that environment does have a high impact on changing one's personality. For me, however, it's like I'm digressing. College was such a great, liberating experience where I could be myself, and now I feel like I'm being shoved back into the little hermit crab shell that I used to wear in junior high and high school. It's a shell that other people define for you - it's the shell that they think is supposed to fit you, but in reality they don't have a clue.

To my extroverted self: I hope you come back soon...