Peter Pan

These past few weeks have had me revisiting my childhood. I recently ran into someone at one of my sites who I had not seen since grade school (when I was still attending a private Baptist academy). When I first saw her, I thought she looked a lot like a girl I knew from back then, so I finally asked if she was LN... and she was! She didn't remember me, but then again, I look nothing like I did back then. (That, and I also have one of those stalker memories for names and faces, and most normal people don't...)

And then I recently got a few beta tapes (yes, I know, I'm a child of the 80s) converted to DVD, two of which were ones from when I was five years old. Boy, was I a funny kid! I had a perm back then, and I loved to dance around my grandparents' living room to whatever music was playing in the background. I also loved being in front of the camera. (Ironically, I prefer being behind the camera now.)

Just this evening, another classmate from the Baptist school found me on Facebook - I haven't seen him since third grade either, and it was such a nice surprise to hear from him! After my encounter with the other classmate at my site, I really didn't expect anyone from that class to remember me, but apparently there are some people who do! And it is very nice to see that these people have families of their own now. God bless them!

All of this has really made me reevaluate my life thus far. Am I at the point that I thought I would be?

To be honest, I was always a total Peter Pan. I didn't want to grow up; I didn't want to rush into getting older. Never did I say things like, "oh, if only I could drive" or "oh, if only I had a house of my own." (You can ask my parents - they'll verify it.) I really did want to live as a child forever, crawling onto my mommy's back like a baby koala. Perhaps this is why I get along with children better than I do with most adults - because I still see myself as one of them.

And now? Now I have an income, a car, and a house of my own. Now I have all of the responsibilities and liabilities that come with being an adult. And although the pressures of the job I am in are relentless, there are still good things about it. God has blessed me far more than I could have asked for. (I do have to remind myself of this every time someone tries to mess with me. Encouragement is always nice.)

I always thought I would be married by this age, and on my way to starting a family. I still yearn for this sometimes. And I am certainly not against people who make the decision to marry young and start families as soon as possible. But I know that this is not something I can rush into. It is not worth it to be desperate and make decisions that are wrong for me. All I can do is be thankful for the period of my life that I am living in now.

I am reminded of this everytime my nurses and colleagues start chatting about their personal lives. How many of them have been divorced? How many of them have had to struggle with relationships due to poor decision making? And yet so many of them think there's something wrong with those of who are still single. Some even go as far as to set us up. And to those who like to set me up, or are uncomfortable with the fact that I am single, I usually say this: it's like what the flight attendants tell you when they are reviewing the aircraft safety features. Please fix your own life before assisting others. (That's a whole different story for a whole different blog.)

Don't get me wrong - I am not against dating. I do take dating more seriously than most people, but I certainly don't have an issue with dating if the opportunity presents itself. If some guy gets struck by lightening and he asks me out, fine. But if that never happens - I'll be ok.

The point is, I am single for a reason right now. I don't know what that reason is, and I don't need to know right now. I know I can do things right now that I wouldn't otherwise be able to do with a spouse and kids. I can control my own schedule and make my own decisions. I can pursue my career and my own interests. And when I have my own family, all of that will change - and that's fine because when that time comes, I will be ready. Only God knows when that time will be - be it tomorrow or five years from now. I have peace knowing that my life's path is in His hands and I can enjoy the stage of life I am in now.

Off to duke it out with Captain Hook! Yoho, yoho, the pirate life...