I've been wanting to write a blog entry on relationships, but I always felt like I never knew enough to say anything. But everything changes when I've been provoked!! So look out. ;-)

Seriously though, I didn't feel like I had any experience to back up my opinions. I mean, I've been single for 21 years - what do I know? But from what I've seen in the relationships of friends, family members, and work acquaintances, I've picked up on both the good and the bad. And although I'm no authority, I'm still entitled to have an opinion. And for some reason, I've talked to folks about their relationships more in this past month than usual, so I just want to share some observations.

Let me just start by saying that the good relationships I've seen all have one thing in common: both parties work to develop themselves and yet at the same time, build each other up. Of course, there is no specific "recipe" for good relationships, but I have noticed that relationships tend to fall apart when this point is overlooked. In terms of married couples, I've seen some men in the workforce simply do as they pleased for their careers or their lifestyles and completely ignore the needs of their wives. I've also seen some women completely smother their husbands and run them on tight leashes. Both situations run the chance of one party getting sick of being run over and the other party feeling as though no one is listening; as a consequence, each will seek to develop his/her own life without the other spouse involved. And then what was a good relationship begins to unravel.

Same thing happens when young people are dating. I've seen girls get hurt because they were too pushy with the guy and didn't really understand that he needed space. I've seen guys get hurt because they didn't see that the girl was simply stringing them along and playing with their emotions. Guys have told me that girls are way too clingy and pushy, girls have told me that guys are too insensitive and indifferent. But I've also seen some great couples - ones that communicate, have common long-term goals, and sense the needs of one another.

So what's the right way to go? Am I saying that it's wrong to date? Not at all. Well, my answer would have been different freshman year. ;-) I was very much against dating back then, simply because I believed that I didn't know what I was looking for, both in terms of a career and a future spouse. I'm not against dating now - but that's because I have established some very clear goals and standards over the past three years, and I've seen that many guys are not simply driven only by hormones (which is a relief!). So if I were to start dating tomorrow, that would be fine if he really was a good guy AND he didn't expect me to instantaneously give up everything for him. I'm not ready to get married fresh out of college, although I know many people who can do that and still be successful. But any of them will tell you it's not easy and that they have to build each other up CONTINUOUSLY.

And what about being single? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that either. You never have to ask anyone's permission to do anything, you never have to worry about buying cheesy gifts for a significant other, you never have to worry about trying to fit that special person into your schedule. You've got your blessings too - but if you are single now and would like that to change eventually, don't give up. Keep meeting and understanding people and discovering their strengths and weaknesses. In the meantime, continue to develop yourself in terms of academics and people skills, and just be happy building some solid friendships. I don't know about the guys, but a note to girls: stop being so freakin' DESPERATE! A boyfriend is NOT a piece of property!!

All in all, enjoy the phase of life that you are in now. Chances are you won't get a chance to relive the moment that you're in now. Enjoy being single and keep developing yourself. Enjoy being with that special someone and continue to build one another up. Most importantly, enjoy growing.